Aging Aficionado Gifts

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

'I hear 150 is the new 90.'

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

I can't wait to get old enough to say 'when I was your age.'"

"When did I change from seizing the day to just seething?"

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

I seem to have gone from young turk to old turkey.

'I'm middle aged.' 'You'll grow out of it!'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

Ed's receding hairline!

'I'm beginning to look just like your mother.'

"Honey! There's a Mr. Beth here to see you."

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

Aging Problems

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

'We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?'

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

'I hate to break this to you, Clark, but your buns of steel have turned to jello.'

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

Things you forgot to tell me about getting older: "You're going to need bigger tooth floss."