Aging Aficionado Gifts

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

'I hear 150 is the new 90.'

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

I can't wait to get old enough to say 'when I was your age.'"

"When did I change from seizing the day to just seething?"

Law of Dad: Views Narrow As Waist Expands

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

I seem to have gone from young turk to old turkey.

'I'm middle aged.' 'You'll grow out of it!'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

Ed's receding hairline!

'I'm beginning to look just like your mother.'

Turned 30

"Honey! There's a Mr. Beth here to see you."

I spent my whole career studying the effects of cloning on aging. What did you find? Same old, same old. Plainwell Brew.

The more I complain about my sore throat, the more it hurts. Tell me about it - The more I shake my fist at the neighbor kids, the more the bursitis in my elbow acts up. Kvetch-22.

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

Aging Problems

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

'They want your underwear.'