Longevity Aficionado Gifts

'Did you know women live longer than men?'

Congratulations on your Plutonium Anniversary

37 years in the same position.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

The Age of Reptiles. . .

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Healthy living has added years to Melvin's life.

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

"I'm prescribing a mild sedative. Go wine shopping and get yourself a nice Chablis."

Ed's receding hairline!

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

'Do I remember pre-decimal coinage?I remember pre-Tudor coinage!'

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"My approach is nontraditional, but from a uniquely Western perspective."

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

Old Frogs' Home

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'