Aging Enthusiasts Gifts

"When are we going for lunch?"

'The only thing that gets easier as you grow older is getting tired.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Ed's receding hairline!

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

Aging Problems

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

Midlife: You Are Here.

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

'I hate to break this to you, Clark, but your buns of steel have turned to jello.'

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'