Age Enthusiast Gifts

"That's nothing. My mom is older than the superbowl."

Midlife: You Are Here.

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

The end of innocence

The Inner Dog.

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

The New Age Dentist.

"Malachite promotes inner peace, hope and security, but I can’t say for certain it will help you put up with your boss."

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

New Age Pit Bull

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

Construction zone ends. Please resume following your bliss.

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

'The bad news is you've lived well beyond your expiration date.'

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

Fortune teller sits beneath a sign 'Wrinkles Read Here'

"That's just the meds kicking in."

I'm not sure when I can help you. It's not easy getting parts for you anymore

'I don't really have a personal best. I'm just sort of OK all the time.'

'Medical researchers discovered that the leading cause of death by aging is due to birthdays.'

Another year older and you look as young as ever! Alcohol is a great preservative!

'You can try, but once they're past forty, you can't teach them new tricks.'

'Why John, I remember you when you were this high.'

"I must be getting old, my feet hurt even before I get out of bed in the morning!"

"I'm Generation Z. Nice to meet you."