Age Group Enthusiast Gifts

"Hi. We're all in the eighteen-to-thirty-four-year-old age group that you're a member of. Come on out and play with us."

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

Midlife: You Are Here.

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

The Inner Dog.

The end of innocence

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"Malachite promotes inner peace, hope and security, but I can’t say for certain it will help you put up with your boss."

The New Age Dentist.

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

New Age Pit Bull

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

Construction zone ends. Please resume following your bliss.

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

'Medical researchers discovered that the leading cause of death by aging is due to birthdays.'

"That's just the meds kicking in."

I'm not sure when I can help you. It's not easy getting parts for you anymore

'I don't really have a personal best. I'm just sort of OK all the time.'

Another year older and you look as young as ever! Alcohol is a great preservative!

'You can try, but once they're past forty, you can't teach them new tricks.'

"I must be getting old, my feet hurt even before I get out of bed in the morning!"

"I'm Generation Z. Nice to meet you."

"He's in his late somethings, but he's cute."

"I enjoy younger guys, but they have to be house-broken."

"My mom and dad are still very sharp."

"They say you're only as old as your face."