Aging Enthusiast Gifts

'You can try, but once they're past forty, you can't teach them new tricks.'

'I'm really looking forward to being put in a nursing home...'

"I must be getting old, my feet hurt even before I get out of bed in the morning!"

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

Aging Support Group

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

'Sorry, Louise, old age doesn't go into remission.'

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."

Breast Height Chart

"I make sure I age my whiskey."

Old man monitoring his height loss.

No one every actually goes bald, they just pluck out all the greys.

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"I'm glad my doctor is old. He understands my ailments because he has them."

"No, the video isn't in slo-mo. That's the speed your granddad and I actually walk."

"Grandma, I know how you feel. The dentist says I'll lose all my teeth, too."

"Oh, to be a Mayfly."

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"You may not recognize Bobby. He's turned into his father."

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

'Let's face it, Old Simkins is well past his 'best before' date...'

'Ferguson's not like the rest of us - he's AROUND the hill.'

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

'I realise now that your body's obsolescence was planned, all planned right from the start.'

I'm not sure when I can help you. It's not easy getting parts for you anymore

Old Age Measurements

Coalition Increases Retirement Age

Billy strip: wine improves with age.

'It's just part of growing old!'

See, dear? Those scary creaking noises were just grandpa's body settling.

At your age, you need to stop sowing wild oats in order to postpone your date with the grim reaper.

"I'll need to run some tests, but you have all the symptoms of being a day older."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"