New Age Enthusiast Gifts

'This would make a great back massager.'

Construction zone ends. Please resume following your bliss.

The Inner Dog.

"She got amazing swag on her spiritual journey."

"Oooh, wind chimes�how New Age."

"There is a man at the door who needs seventeen dollars to buy some sweet grass to burn as a spiritual cleansing agent during his prayer ceremonies."

"Malachite promotes inner peace, hope and security, but I can’t say for certain it will help you put up with your boss."

New Age Auto Repair

Monk wearing 'Happy Trappy', T-shirt.

The New Age Dentist.

New Age Convention - Mark Anthony / Cleopatra / Hitler

New Age Pit Bull

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

Organic Curses

"I heard Gracie was sick! Take this egg. Rub it on her face. Break it. Put it in a glass under her bed. If it's hard in the morning, she's cured."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'You've got, like, a Feng Shui problem with your pancreas, dude.'

New Age Store.

Breast Height Chart

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

'The only problem is they're glued together. So I can't see the watch...or change the dead calculator batteries, but it's guaranteed for life...'

'Now what?!'

Midlife: You Are Here.

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

The end of innocence

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

'It even tells time in metric minutes.'

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"I got it in a novelty shop. But it has decreased loitering around the watercooler with 29%!"

'The valentine card I gave you talks, plays music and flashes lights! Who cares about the message???'

"Colin's relaxation classes seem to have worked."

"He's a very alternative vicar - he's installed wind chimes.'

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."