Aging Afficionado Gifts

Rational explanations

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Meet the author"

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"He's taught himself work-life balance."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'...and in 1/100000 of a second, it can compound the programmer's error 87,500 times.'

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

Driverless cars rage.

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

Sitting in a tree

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

"I fear one day our jobs will be taken over by technology."

"But if you change your system preferences to match mine, is it really love?"

"What did you download at school today?"

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."

Valentine Day

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

"He's the best our AI recruitment algorithm could fund, unfortunately our AI is really stupid."

Bot Art: After da Vinci

'Yes, it computed the answer in a bilionth of a second and printed it instantly, but until I find my glasses...'

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

"I'm afraid I'll be replaced by a robot at work."

"Your feelings may be artificial, but that doesn't mean they're not real."

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

Breast Height Chart

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

"Don't deny it. You only wanted me for my metadata."

Chef copy robot

"Reports that AI is planning a world takeover are greatly exaggerated."

"Boss... I just read an article about trans-humanism. Apparently, sometime in the next 50 years, it will become possible to live forever."