Age Comparison Aficionado Gifts

"You call this torment? This ain't nuthin'. You shoulda seen what this place was like back when I was your age."

Ed's receding hairline!

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

Midlife: You Are Here.

The end of innocence

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

Saguaro Cacti.

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

How to injury yourself as an adult

'The bad news is you've lived well beyond your expiration date.'

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

"That's just the meds kicking in."

Fortune teller sits beneath a sign 'Wrinkles Read Here'

Rational explanations

"When did I change from seizing the day to just seething?"

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

'Medical researchers discovered that the leading cause of death by aging is due to birthdays.'

Another year older and you look as young as ever! Alcohol is a great preservative!

'Why John, I remember you when you were this high.'

Pregnant vs. Old.