Age Gap Aficionado Gifts

"Perhaps, given time, but not too much time, you could learn to love me."

Ed's receding hairline!

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

'You seem young, Perkins. Why, I bet I was incarcerated before you were even born.'

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

The end of innocence

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

Saguaro Cacti.

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

"My grandson said I was "woke" but I'm 90% certain I didn't even nod off"

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

'The bad news is you've lived well beyond your expiration date.'

'Medical researchers discovered that the leading cause of death by aging is due to birthdays.'

Fortune teller sits beneath a sign 'Wrinkles Read Here'

"When did I change from seizing the day to just seething?"

"'Till death do you part?"

Rational explanations

'Why John, I remember you when you were this high.'

"Still scaring kids? Are you kidding? At my age I'm lucky if I can crawl out from under the bed."

'Isn't it funny how the older we get, the more we become like our mothers?'

'You're getting older... it's a common complaint.'

"He's in his late somethings, but he's cute."

'I'm middle aged.' 'You'll grow out of it!'

"I enjoy younger guys, but they have to be house-broken."

Baby boomers anthem.

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"We begin tonight with breaking news. LIFE has given a local teenager a rude awakening."

"They say you're only as old as your face."