Ageing Aficionado Gifts

'The worst part about menopause was having to ask my husband's advice on blade vs electric shaver.'

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

'It's true that whiskey improves with age: the older I get, the more I like it.'

"Still scaring kids? Are you kidding? At my age I'm lucky if I can crawl out from under the bed."

"Call me?"

Sitting in a tree

"When are they going to change the 'feature'?"

Valentine Day

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

Diego Velasquez

"I'll be honest with you, I've been around the block a few times."

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

Ed's receding hairline!

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

"Sorry I'm late: my parents insisted I wear protection on our first date, so I stopped to buy a flea-collar..."

Love Birds love just being together

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

You just keep giving.

Banana Smoothie

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

"Call yourself a fortune teller? I've never even heard of the Cairo museum!"

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

Saguaro Cacti.

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

A small heart within a big heart.

"I'm gonna talk to her. How's my breath?"

It's obvious anniversaries are the lynchpin of the big oil conspiracy. What? Husbands forget them. Which leads to wives pummeling them. Which leads to men making sure they don't forget again. All you had to do was mark it in your calendar! What do you think pens are made of? Pummeling will now commence.

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

"The difference between a great guy and a total loser? I'd say it's about this much Merlot."

'I met the greatest guy! He's sweet, he's handsome, and his insurance policy is Equity Indexed Whole Life!'

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.