Adulting Aficionado Gifts

How to injury yourself as an adult

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.

Illusionist Secrets Revealed - "The functioning adult"

Man Struggling with Taxes/Clothing/Medical/Misc/Food/Shelter/Education.

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"Call me?"

"Buy a man a six-pack, he drinks for a day. Teach him to brew, he drinks all his life."

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'You'll enjoy our staff meetings. We always begin and end with the product.'

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

Ed's receding hairline!

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

"Makes me wish I'd kept that gorilla suit."

Jeff Tweedy caricature.

'The way I see it, drinking is its own reward.'

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"I'll be honest with you, I've been around the block a few times."

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

A Snowman falls down drunk outside a bar.

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"Sorry I'm late: my parents insisted I wear protection on our first date, so I stopped to buy a flea-collar..."

Martini Lovers

Narcissist in the tunnel of love.

The truth about the expulsion from paradise. . .

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'