Maturity Aficionado Gifts

Those guys are too green; I'm waiting for Mister Ripe.

Sitting in a tree

Valentine Day

Ed's receding hairline!

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"I opened the last of the emergency wine."

Love Birds love just being together

"Botox."

You just keep giving.

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

The end of innocence

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

"I'll tell you what he's got that we haven't - a bigger leaf!"

A small heart within a big heart.

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

"Legs up to here!"

'You think you're an incurable romantic? My prescription is to get married.'

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.

Man Flap

I spent my whole career studying the effects of cloning on aging. What did you find? Same old, same old. Plainwell Brew.

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

How to injury yourself as an adult

101 Positions/101 Excuses

Rational explanations

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

"When did I change from seizing the day to just seething?"

'My astrologer says one thing, my guru says another, my psychiatrist says something else - I don't know who to turn to anymore.'

"She was my secretary before we got married, now she's the treasurer."