Coming-of-age Aficionado Gifts

"For my bat mitzvah, my dad is getting me incorporated."

'Its nothing to do with driving---I've just lost my virginity!'

'Rehab centre' "I'm addicted to Irvine Welsh"

Ed's receding hairline!

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"Botox."

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

The end of innocence

'We will conduct the background check. Our fortune, Madame Zula, will conduct a complimentary future check.'

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

Over-reaction Man.

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

Ladmag - Caution, immature content.

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.

"Bartleson, are we cronies yet?"

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

How to injury yourself as an adult

'How do you expect me to remember. . . when every year you look younger?'

'Medical researchers discovered that the leading cause of death by aging is due to birthdays.'

'We were mud wrestling.'

"Come at me, Bro!"

"Your dad’s right — this is way better than watching TV."

"When did I change from seizing the day to just seething?"

"That's just the meds kicking in."

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

Man Struggling with Taxes/Clothing/Medical/Misc/Food/Shelter/Education.

"It's a key to the city, it's not supposed to be bling, 'Kanye!'"

"We begin tonight with breaking news. LIFE has given a local teenager a rude awakening."