Age-defying Aficionado Gifts

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

"Some of our teachers haven't changed much since baby days..."

"Of course 50 is the new 49!"

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

Ed's receding hairline!

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

The end of innocence

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

"Bartleson, are we cronies yet?"

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

'How do you expect me to remember. . . when every year you look younger?'

'Medical researchers discovered that the leading cause of death by aging is due to birthdays.'

"When did I change from seizing the day to just seething?"

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

Still hip, but not much hop.

'You know you're 40 when...'

Another year older and you look as young as ever! Alcohol is a great preservative!

'I'm middle aged.' 'You'll grow out of it!'

"They say you're only as old as your face."

"Still scaring kids? Are you kidding? At my age I'm lucky if I can crawl out from under the bed."

"We begin tonight with breaking news. LIFE has given a local teenager a rude awakening."

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

Boy, Interrupted.

"Honey! There's a Mr. Beth here to see you."

"For my bat mitzvah, my dad is getting me incorporated."

Wine: New! Old!

We are 50 going on 15...

'I used to be an old fogey, but now I'm post-modern!'