Age-defying Aficionados Gifts

"When I started it was just a couple of small injections twice a week."

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

The end of innocence

Pensioners run riot on mobility scooters.

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

"Bartleson, are we cronies yet?"

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

'How do you expect me to remember. . . when every year you look younger?'

'The bad news is you've lived well beyond your expiration date.'

'Medical researchers discovered that the leading cause of death by aging is due to birthdays.'

Fortune teller sits beneath a sign 'Wrinkles Read Here'

Another year older and you look as young as ever! Alcohol is a great preservative!

'Why John, I remember you when you were this high.'

'Well if sixty is the new fifty and forty is the new thirty then yes,twenty must be the new ten...'

Workers constructing barcodes

Wrong shelf.

"Sorry, I double-booked. This wouldn't happen if I had a computer - but they insist we do everything by hand."

"They say you're only as old as your face."

Second, third and fourth effort!

"We begin tonight with breaking news. LIFE has given a local teenager a rude awakening."

'Isn't it funny how the older we get, the more we become like our mothers?'

'You're getting older... it's a common complaint.'

For Witches of a Certain Age

Boy, Interrupted.

"For my bat mitzvah, my dad is getting me incorporated."

Wine: New! Old!

"No, we're not getting any younger, but why, pray tell, is that such a revelation to us?"

"I'm nostalgic for the print media."

'I heard that as soon as we become aware of our sexual impulses, whatever they are, we'll have to hide them.'

Laundry in the 80's.

'People your age tend to overindulge themselves to death — we doctors call them 'suicide boomers.''

'Without surgery, you'll just have to accept jowls and a turkey neck as part of the aging process, Narcissus.'

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary - Digitally Mixed - Any drink stirred without the use of a spoon, swizzle stick or any other tool/utensil.