Age-defying Enthusiast Gifts

"This is cultural appropriation."

She IS a raisin

I just saw you on Youtube they've figured out how to reverse the effects of aging, in mice, with a compound called "Nad Plus." Does it bother you to know you'll be six feet under before the human trials are even don that that I'll still be here? It doesn't bother me at all, because I know it's going to be far too expensive for regular losers such as yourself. Your only hope is to buy a mouse costume and sneak into the lab, loser-boy. Not a bad idea.

'People your age tend to overindulge themselves to death — we doctors call them 'suicide boomers.''

'Er...the botox injections of Dorian Gray?'

"I'm 49, but that's 32 in Facebook years."

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'I can't believe I'm pretending to be 55 already...'

Wally's dye job...makes his hair look 25 years younger.

Midlife: You Are Here.

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

'There is a fancy name for your condition...Let's just call it 86 and counting.'

The end of innocence

"Try to remember, you're not 70 any more."

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

"Ha! Now no one can call me 'old'! I just overtook a sports car!"

"Don't worry, I won't hold my age against you."

'My doctor's given me the all-clear for our Reunion tour.'

'How do you expect me to remember. . . when every year you look younger?'

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

'My Goodness! All these years George and I never guessed you were a superhero.'

Optimistic Aging...

"That's just the meds kicking in."

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

Person who refuses to admit age on board. Feel free to drive with wild and reckless abandon.

"75"

"It's a digital tattoo. It changes every time it's no longer age appropriate."

"Be honest- how does it look? I had to leave my laugh lines in for Bill."

'Medical researchers discovered that the leading cause of death by aging is due to birthdays.'

'You know you're 40 when...'

Another year older and you look as young as ever! Alcohol is a great preservative!

Out of order, Fountain of Youth

Lots of People Would Consider Me Young...if they were alive today.

"That anti-aging cream worked wonders."