Adult Entertainment Aficionado Gifts

North Pole Sex Toy Testing Lab

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Reese Witherspoon

Fist Bumper Cars

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

Showing off the good china 3-7 pm.

May all your birthday wishes come true..

"Forget the harps, we can spend Eternity in there."

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

Frank's bar & grill & jukebox & pool table & chairs & bathroom & mechanical bull & tables & karaoke machine & drinking fountain & lamps & fire extinguisher & doors & floors...

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

'It's nice, but I wish we could get more than one channel.'

Hollywood Breakup

"I suppose you think that's funny."

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.

Starvation Watching

Narcissist in the tunnel of love.

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

'I hope this DVD has some worthwhile in-front-of-the-scenes content.'

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

"This is what I call a home entertainment centre."

"You'll regret saying that, I'll get my own back in tomorrow's performance - you'll never work again!"

"Lets watch a martial arts movie."