Adult Entertainment Lover Gifts

Nude nude nude...You came into this world that way ??" You're going out that way. "Too much information."

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

Big screen TV.

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

Showing off the good china 3-7 pm.

May all your birthday wishes come true..

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.

Jim Carrey,

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

'It's nice, but I wish we could get more than one channel.'

Frank's bar & grill & jukebox & pool table & chairs & bathroom & mechanical bull & tables & karaoke machine & drinking fountain & lamps & fire extinguisher & doors & floors...

Starvation Watching

"I suppose you think that's funny."

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

"Lets watch a martial arts movie."

"Sorry. I'm out of leprecondoms."

"We can deliver it Tuesday. If no one's home, we'll just slip it under the door."

Get a Life

"As I recall, Leonard, when we first watched 'The Honeymooners' you said that it marked the decline and fall of Western culture."

Peter Gabriel

NBS Programming Department. Who have we got to interview Michael Jackson? We've got it narrowed down to Stephen King or Leonard Nimoy.

"I LOVE this business! Just when you think you've discovered our culture's lowest common denominator, along comes a crazy genius like you to show us how wrong our math was!"

"Abra-Viagra."

More Arts Council cuts...

"In this business the ball takes funny bounces. I got you a recording contract."