Retirement Aficionado Gifts

'Growing old gracefully ... But frantically trying to keep in step with the cost of living!'

'Ferguson's not like the rest of us - he's AROUND the hill.'

"I can't wait for vacation - I'm going to go sun myself in a south-facing window."

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

'Now try and relax - we're on holiday!'

'Jerry's 'old school'.'

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"This place is nice, but what would we really do if we lived here? Lie around and be happy all the time?"

Old hippie gives peace sign.

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

Ed's receding hairline!

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

Happy Retirement

Retired Canadian t shirt guy.

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

'I can remember when no one had even heard of t'ai chi.'

"Noooooooooooo!"

"I want to work from home!"

"Run around outside? What year do you think this is - 1990?"

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

"I like to come prepared for meetings."

Slow food restaurant

'Some blue-arsed fly you turned out to be.'

Man admires his Cubist Painting.

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

Father Christmas with a psychiatrist during summer

"Don't knock Florida! Where else can a 73-year old man get a 35-year mortgage?"

Rodney Dangerfield - Spot the Difference

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"