Senior Living Supporter Gifts

"The secret to longevity is good genes, good diet, a good lawyer and witnesses with weak eyesight and poor memories."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

It’s God’s country, if your God wears camouflage and dips tobacco.

Coexist. Coexhaust.

"Better start moving towards shelter: the weather forecast is for rain this afternoon..."

Handle With Care

Sloth 10K.

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

The Oaks: Breakfast And Back To Bed.

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"I noticed a few browns."

"My novel is about a romance between an octogenarian and a septuagenarian, but I can't remember which is which."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

New Hampshire Minute

"I've made a list of lists we need to make."

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"We settled into the one-level after our hips got bad."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Old Frogs' Home

"Nice try, but I don't think whisky counts as an 'essential medication'."

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

"Sure I'm depressed - now they got me on this geriatric dog food."

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

Introducing Life Alarm for people who have fallen but don't want to get up.

"You want the truth? I can't remember the truth!"

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

'It's a pretty lame disappearing act Darling: I think we'd better hire a real Magician for Timmy's birthday party...'

"Things moving too fast. We need to get back to our roots. And grubs."