Schooltime Storyteller Gifts

"It's not fair! School was out an hour ago. . . I don't wanna be sick now!"

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Late night teddy reading

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'She's just great with the children.'

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

'A dog ate my homework.'

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'