Classroom Storyteller Gifts

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"'The Awakening: An Unauthorized Look at the Summer Vacation of Timmy Hofferman.'"

'Mummy, Mummy: The nasty teacher said I couldn't take my Teddy Bear to school anymore...'

'Does this have anything to do with Einstein's theory of relativity?'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'Who I played in Summer Stock.'

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

'A dog ate my homework.'

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

'Will Mr. 'No Comment' please remain after class.'

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

I miss recess!

'Why, yes, I think that's a lovely sweater, Peter... But you know the rule: no snacks unless you brought enough for the whole class.'

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

"No, you can't ask Alexa a quick question. This is a test, so you're on your own."

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

"What I did on my summer vacation and how I optioned it to Miramax..."

Teacher's pet dog

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

Criminal background checks on teachers? How come? To weed out child abusers. Ha! When you taught, you were routinely accused of severe abuse, mother. True. I inflicted the letters "C," "D" and "F" on many of my students. Wow! That's so outlawed.

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

'I know I can train them to be thoughtful productive citizens if I can ever get past sit.'

'It's a guess. I never said it was an educated guess.'