School Day Storyteller Gifts

"My first day of school was good too...this year mom hardly cried at all when I left."

'Well, if it isn't Harry Roberts. You've hardly changed since we were at school together!'

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

'Today, in kindergarten, we learned how to count to one.'

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

'A dog ate my homework.'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

'Second grade. When did you discover 'LMNOP' wasn't one letter?'

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

I miss recess!

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

'Headmaster I'd like to report Biggins and Small who were caught this morning consuming trans-fats behind the bicycle shed.'

'I don't care if you are just 2 years old, people don't have time to read your life story.'

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

"I learned that Moses partied on the Red Sea today."

'You might not know it now but I used to have some great lesson plans.'

"We've unleashed your child's potential—this is as good as it's going to get."

'Dad, the teacher said my grades remind her of old times. She says she was your teacher too.'

'When I was a student, wireless data transmission meant passing notes in class.'

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

Teacher to parents: 'Ah - you're right. What do I know about kids? My biological clock went coo-coo years ago.'

'These are the happiest days of your life.'

"Can you believe it? Smiley kissed me! I was totally not expecting it. She's probably gonna blabber it to the whole school! If I'm lucky."

'My composition is 'parental discipline and what we can do about it'.'

'Mrs. Wingit, what's the secret to teaching middle school for 30 years?'