Schoolyard Storyteller Gifts

Juvenile Court

I miss recess!

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

"My day in school? Oh, it was special. I got a lot of attention and advice from the principal herself."

"Can you believe it? Smiley kissed me! I was totally not expecting it. She's probably gonna blabber it to the whole school! If I'm lucky."

"Not that any of YOU care, but I was up until 2:00 a.m. preparing today's exam on the Martyr Complex."

"Oh, that's Twiddlecock - the only boy in the school without a nickname."

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

'This is my little brother Doug -- Doug ate my homework.'

'Give us this day our daily bread, except for the knuckle sandwich Eddie Whitley promised me.'

'These are the happiest days of your life.'

"Be careful what you say. She's never been to Europe."

'I don't have a dog, so have to eat homework myself.'

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

"Yes, the underpants sighting is very interesting, but I'm really more intrigued by your observations of London and France."

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

"Recess does things to a man."

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

'A dog ate my homework.'

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

'Billy takes his jungle gym seriously!'

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

'Today, in kindergarten, we learned how to count to one.'

'Quick! Get me the dispute resolution mediator!'

'You might not know it now but I used to have some great lesson plans.'

"I noticed he had punched air holes in his desk. Now I'm afraid to open it."