School Yard Storyteller Gifts

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

"Recess does things to a man."

'A dog ate my homework.'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

I miss recess!

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

'Billy takes his jungle gym seriously!'

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

'Today, in kindergarten, we learned how to count to one.'

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

'Quick! Get me the dispute resolution mediator!'

"I learned that Moses partied on the Red Sea today."

'You might not know it now but I used to have some great lesson plans.'

"I noticed he had punched air holes in his desk. Now I'm afraid to open it."

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

'Dad, the teacher said my grades remind her of old times. She says she was your teacher too.'

'When I was a student, wireless data transmission meant passing notes in class.'

"My first day of school was good too...this year mom hardly cried at all when I left."

Teacher's Lounge

"Can you believe it? Smiley kissed me! I was totally not expecting it. She's probably gonna blabber it to the whole school! If I'm lucky."

'These are the happiest days of your life.'