Schoolyard Hero Gifts

'Billy takes his jungle gym seriously!'

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

"Recess does things to a man."

"Do you think that will count as our 'Fifteen minutes of fame'?"

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"Being the smartest girl in third grade is going to Melinda's head."

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

I miss recess!

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

"I said 'I quit'. Nobody listens to me any more."

Littletown High School. And that's where Bubba Parker stomped me

"You, my tenacious weed, are trespassing!"

"Hi Ginny, that's a nice new haircut you've got there. Are you trying to be cuter than me?"

'Quick! Get me the dispute resolution mediator!'

"Just teachers' lounge will suffice, Ed."

"I noticed he had punched air holes in his desk. Now I'm afraid to open it."

'Come out of that cupboard. If you can't stand up to the class bully, who will? After all, you are the Headmaster...?'

Wow, you're right! Your mom's regurgitated worms are way better than my mom's!

"Can you believe it? Smiley kissed me! I was totally not expecting it. She's probably gonna blabber it to the whole school! If I'm lucky."

Careful

"What a day. I played tag, a yucky girl kissed me, and I got the school's computers back online."

'These are the happiest days of your life.'

"The custodian's job is 10 percent janitorial and 90 percent as my bodyguard."

'I got lost in between all the classroom trailers at school again.'

'I don't have a dog, so have to eat homework myself.'

'That Jimmy is sickening!'

"Who would've thought Ms. Eliot had so little sense of humor?"

'Don't worry about next year, Kathy. All teachers agree on the multiplication tables.'

'I love, love, love your mother's sense of humor.'

'I just wish she wouldn't walk us to school.'