Elementary School Hero Gifts

"Being the smartest girl in third grade is going to Melinda's head."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

PROBLEM AREAS

'Get up and put your house slippers on! - You'll be late for home school!'

'This handheld computer is very useful for teaching. It displays my lesson plan, calander, key files, and an extensive menu of put-downs for hecklers and classroom clowns.'

"If something that doesn't kill me only makes me stronger, then I should be Atlas!"

'While outsourcing is a common business practice, you may not ousource your research and homework assignments, Fletcher.'

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

Teacher getting the childrens attention by pretending to be on television.

"She's a high grade teacher."

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

"Of course, that's only a first draft."

Help. High performing teacher trapped in low performing pay scale.

'Billy takes his jungle gym seriously!'

'Ok, class, let's take attendance. Joey?'

"I need you to line up by attention span."

A pediatrician with children hanging off his arms

'Right lad, now it's my turn for free expression . . . (I wish!)'

Pandemic-parenting

Hey, Twig! Ryan Beardsley wants your cell phone number! The divine wonder of West Fester High? Finally! My life changes for the better. He needs activities for his college apps and wants to come to our shortest eco-club cleanup. Change you can believe in. West Fester High School.

"We moved here for the schools."

'I don't mind school, but I'm really tired of the commute.'

"I said 'I quit'. Nobody listens to me any more."

I must not erase major breakthroughs....

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."

"May I have your attention please???" "NO!!!"

''Excellent','excellent','a delight' - for heaven's sake, don't you ever feel like rebelling a bit?'

"Just teachers' lounge will suffice, Ed."

'You might not know it now but I used to have some great lesson plans.'

'What'd you learn today?'

'Teachers' Dreams.' 'Mike, did you just call me the B-Word, you fatherless good-for-nothing piece of excrement?'