School Life Storyteller Gifts

'I'm sorry Ms. Tinsdale. My computer got a virus and lost my homework!'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

'A dog ate my homework.'

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

'Second grade. When did you discover 'LMNOP' wasn't one letter?'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

I miss recess!

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

Back to school: The Horror,

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, I'm safe from math, English, history, and science."

"I'm holding George back this year because he's failed to forge a personal style."

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

"First period music always leaves me with a tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day."

Rapunzel as a child.

"Math would have been a 'A' if you factor in the fudge factor. I got caught fudging on the final."

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

'Today, in kindergarten, we learned how to count to one.'

"Mom says teachers wear many hats. . . and I can't wear just one??"

'I saw the school nurse put that sign up.'

"My mom wants you to dispense my happy pill just before I get on the bus for home."

"I learned that Moses partied on the Red Sea today."

'You might not know it now but I used to have some great lesson plans.'

"We've unleashed your child's potential—this is as good as it's going to get."