School Stories Gifts

"We've unleashed your child's potential—this is as good as it's going to get."

'What are you eating?' 'Paste.'

'That's a lie. I wasn't expelled - I resigned . . .'

"The school just called to say they're naming the detention room after you!!"

"I'm sorry, Tommy has a bad cold and can't come to school today ..... this is my father speaking."

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

'A dog ate my homework.'

'Second grade. When did you discover 'LMNOP' wasn't one letter?'

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

"Math would have been a 'A' if you factor in the fudge factor. I got caught fudging on the final."

'Today, in kindergarten, we learned how to count to one.'

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

'You might not know it now but I used to have some great lesson plans.'

'Dad, the teacher said my grades remind her of old times. She says she was your teacher too.'

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

"My problem is, I can't tell the rules from the guidelines."

'When I was a student, wireless data transmission meant passing notes in class.'

"My first day of school was good too...this year mom hardly cried at all when I left."

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

Teacher to parents: 'Ah - you're right. What do I know about kids? My biological clock went coo-coo years ago.'

'And there goes the school window...'

'I did have an eventful day at school, but nothing, in my opinion, to write home about.'

'I do know the capital of France. It's the letter 'F'!'

'Before I begin today's lesson, please turn off your cell phones, beepers and ipods.'

'Mrs. Wingit, what's the secret to teaching middle school for 30 years?'

'My composition is 'parental discipline and what we can do about it'.'

I WILL NOT COMMENT ON MS. STEMPEL'S WART

'Young man, I don't like the look of that emoticon on your face!'