School Tales Gifts

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

'A dog ate my homework.'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

'Second grade. When did you discover 'LMNOP' wasn't one letter?'

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

I miss recess!

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

'Today, in kindergarten, we learned how to count to one.'

"Math would have been a 'A' if you factor in the fudge factor. I got caught fudging on the final."

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

'You might not know it now but I used to have some great lesson plans.'

"We've unleashed your child's potential—this is as good as it's going to get."

'Yep, I did eat his homework, but he begged me to.'

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

'Dad, the teacher said my grades remind her of old times. She says she was your teacher too.'

'When I was a student, wireless data transmission meant passing notes in class.'

Teacher to parents: 'Ah - you're right. What do I know about kids? My biological clock went coo-coo years ago.'

"My first day of school was good too...this year mom hardly cried at all when I left."

'I did have an eventful day at school, but nothing, in my opinion, to write home about.'

"Who'd like to start today's show and tell?"

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'