School Story Collector Gifts

Teacher to parent: 'He's been transferred from Detention to a Minimum Security Facility.'

I WILL NOT COMMENT ON MS. STEMPEL'S WART

'Well, my boy may be reading at the third grade level, but he's swearing at the sixth grade level.'

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

'A dog ate my homework.'

'Second grade. When did you discover 'LMNOP' wasn't one letter?'

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

Newborn making the V-sign

Who's Dead

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

Aladdin's Cave of Wonder

"Math would have been a 'A' if you factor in the fudge factor. I got caught fudging on the final."

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

'Neat photo Lucy, I'll put it up in my room... Do you have any drawing pins?'

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

'You might not know it now but I used to have some great lesson plans.'

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

'Yep, I did eat his homework, but he begged me to.'

"We've unleashed your child's potential—this is as good as it's going to get."

"As I call each of your names, please answer by saying 'Present'"

"I know about the tooth fairy, but I feel a bit young to be selling off my body parts!"

'Dad, the teacher said my grades remind her of old times. She says she was your teacher too.'

'When I was a student, wireless data transmission meant passing notes in class.'

Teacher to parents: 'Ah - you're right. What do I know about kids? My biological clock went coo-coo years ago.'

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'