School Stories Appreciator Gifts

"Math would have been a 'A' if you factor in the fudge factor. I got caught fudging on the final."

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

'A dog ate my homework.'

'Second grade. When did you discover 'LMNOP' wasn't one letter?'

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

Ali Baba- Cover Design for Proposed Edition of The Forty Thieves

Criminal background checks on teachers? How come? To weed out child abusers. Ha! When you taught, you were routinely accused of severe abuse, mother. True. I inflicted the letters "C," "D" and "F" on many of my students. Wow! That's so outlawed.

Jack and the Beanie stock.

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

"I forgot my homework, but there's a video of me doing it on youtube."

'You might not know it now but I used to have some great lesson plans.'

'Dad, the teacher said my grades remind her of old times. She says she was your teacher too.'

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

"We've unleashed your child's potential—this is as good as it's going to get."

A headmaster in the stocks covered in rotten eggs.

'When I was a student, wireless data transmission meant passing notes in class.'

'Forget the test Mrs. Winslow. Let's send out for pizza!'

"Who'd like to start today's show and tell?"

'Before I begin today's lesson, please turn off your cell phones, beepers and ipods.'

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

'Ready for your performance review?'

"Pretend you're interested in granddad's old stories and stop calling them reruns."

Teacher to parents: 'Ah - you're right. What do I know about kids? My biological clock went coo-coo years ago.'

'I did have an eventful day at school, but nothing, in my opinion, to write home about.'

'I do know the capital of France. It's the letter 'F'!'

'I made this Valentine's card for you in school, mom. What the world needs is more love, and less homework.'

'My composition is 'parental discipline and what we can do about it'.'

'Mrs. Wingit, what's the secret to teaching middle school for 30 years?'

I WILL NOT COMMENT ON MS. STEMPEL'S WART

"There are three other Elijah Foxface Maxwells in his class already."

'Young man, I don't like the look of that emoticon on your face!'

'Actually I was hoping to meet a knight in shining armour!'

"Every day, I ask her 'what did you learn at school today' and every day, she says 'nothing'."