Story Collector Gifts

'Fooled! A Survivor's Story.'

Homeless man's sign: 'Will sell book & movie rights to the story of my downfall for a cool million.'

"Ow! Rotten stinking sky!!"

A panhandler with a sign that reads "Cautionary tales $ 100".

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

"Do you have any tragedy? All I've got at home is time."

"We met online."

A classroom scene.

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

"Son, take this watch. My father stole it from an Englishman and I'm sick of taking heat from interpol."

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

'This one belonged to a little old lady with weak eyes.'

Who's Dead

'What's my story? I was 'sold down the river', then 'sent up the river.''

Markets.

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

Wicca Heritage Centre: Hansel and Gretel stayed here.

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

Fairy Library - Cinderella Marries the Prince

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

Rapunzcow

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Once, I tried to change the laces, and the Landmarks Commission came down on me like a ton of bricks."

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

Fairy Library - Hop o' my Thumb Title Page

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

"One blackbird pizza?"