Narrative Collector Gifts

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

The Poky Little Pupa.

"That's five votes for In The Midst of Winter....three votes for The Hollow Ground....and, again, one vote for Moby-Dick."

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

Wicca Heritage Centre: Hansel and Gretel stayed here.

Fairy Library - Cinderella Marries the Prince

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

"Define fair."

Marley had a little lamb

Rapunzcow

7 More Dwarfs

"Once, I tried to change the laces, and the Landmarks Commission came down on me like a ton of bricks."

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

Fairy Library - Hop o' my Thumb Title Page

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

'It's time you knew the truth. You're not my real son. You're a novelization.'

"One blackbird pizza?"

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

Alice in Wonderland - Alice Meets the Cheshire Cat.

"I hate to spoil your porridge, but your son has a blonde in his room."

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

Who's Dead

"Same hectic routine every damn year. Mind if I hang back with you?"

"I forgive you, Bumpty."

"And then the three bears were slowly forced out of the neighborhood due to major corporations cornering the market—The once cozy cottage is now an Air B&B." "The end."

"When they assured me the solar panels would look like crackers, I said "What the hell!"'