Narrative Collector T-Shirts

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"That's five votes for In The Midst of Winter....three votes for The Hollow Ground....and, again, one vote for Moby-Dick."

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

Wicca Heritage Centre: Hansel and Gretel stayed here.

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

Fairy Library - Cinderella Marries the Prince

"Define fair."

7 More Dwarfs

Rapunzcow

"Once, I tried to change the laces, and the Landmarks Commission came down on me like a ton of bricks."

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

Fairy Library - Hop o' my Thumb Title Page

"One blackbird pizza?"

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'It's time you knew the truth. You're not my real son. You're a novelization.'

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

Alice in Wonderland - Alice Meets the Cheshire Cat.

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

"I forgive you, Bumpty."

Who's Dead

"And then the three bears were slowly forced out of the neighborhood due to major corporations cornering the market—The once cozy cottage is now an Air B&B." "The end."

"When they assured me the solar panels would look like crackers, I said "What the hell!"'

"Same hectic routine every damn year. Mind if I hang back with you?"

"I hate to spoil your porridge, but your son has a blonde in his room."

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'