Collecting Stories Gifts

'Your policy does cover wind damage, but not from huffing and puffing.'

"Back in my day there weren't any delivery trucks, distribution centers and fancy computers! We just hopped door-to-door until our feet bled!"

The Emperor's New Plane.

"Good - the coroner's here."

'This is for a different book.'

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

' You shouldn't believe everything you read in the fairy stories.'

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'

Could you give me a ballpark number?

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

"She was this tall with curly blonde hair Officer: She ate our porridge and broke our furniture..."

"Fee fi fo fiddle, i feel the need to piddle!"

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

Alice in Wonderland-Hare and Hatter putting Dormouse in Teapot

Thank you to those who never came home and to those who never left their side.

"I think I can". (train)

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

"I cleaned out the RV. We accumulated a lot stuff since we started RVing..."

"Same hectic routine every damn year. Mind if I hang back with you?"

Who's Dead

Newborn making the V-sign

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

'I've been knocking for ages!'

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

'-but the fire's on the GROUND floor!'

'No we are not there yet, we're just leaving our drive!'

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

"I know about the tooth fairy, but I feel a bit young to be selling off my body parts!"

Tourists

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"