Collecting Inspiring Stories Gifts

"I think I can". (train)

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

"They called me Dumbo. A memoir of redemption."

"You finished with your peanuts?"

Magazine stand in middle of the desert.

"Thank you for making my decision to fire you, that much easier."

'I don't care how smart you think you are, you're still a bird brain.'

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'

Newborn making the V-sign

Who's Dead

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

"Same hectic routine every damn year. Mind if I hang back with you?"

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

Newton discovers surrealism

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

Jeffrey N.: The Guy who managed to get the lead out of his pants, but they were still the wrong pants.

"It's the best thing since bread torn into little pieces."

"Lucky you. Cliches are 10% off today."

"Back in my day there weren't any delivery trucks, distribution centers and fancy computers! We just hopped door-to-door until our feet bled!"

Neither Here nor There

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"

' You shouldn't believe everything you read in the fairy stories.'

'We don't hear 'giddyap' much anymore.'

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, Doctor scared by apples,

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

Believe in Yourself

Queen Ranavola of Madagascar executed any of her subjects who appeared in her dreams....

Be polite to your acupuncturist at all times. A basic life lesson hard learned.

"She was this tall with curly blonde hair Officer: She ate our porridge and broke our furniture..."