Collecting Inspiring Stories Mugs

"I think I can". (train)

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

"You finished with your peanuts?"

"They called me Dumbo. A memoir of redemption."

"Thank you for making my decision to fire you, that much easier."

'I don't care how smart you think you are, you're still a bird brain.'

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

"Same hectic routine every damn year. Mind if I hang back with you?"

Who's Dead

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

Newborn making the V-sign

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

Newton discovers surrealism

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

Jeffrey N.: The Guy who managed to get the lead out of his pants, but they were still the wrong pants.

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

"It's the best thing since bread torn into little pieces."

"Lucky you. Cliches are 10% off today."

"Back in my day there weren't any delivery trucks, distribution centers and fancy computers! We just hopped door-to-door until our feet bled!"

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"

'We don't hear 'giddyap' much anymore.'

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

' You shouldn't believe everything you read in the fairy stories.'

Neither Here nor There

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, Doctor scared by apples,

"She was this tall with curly blonde hair Officer: She ate our porridge and broke our furniture..."

Queen Ranavola of Madagascar executed any of her subjects who appeared in her dreams....

Believe in Yourself