Family Story Collector Gifts

Newborn making the V-sign

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

Mythical Family of Four.

'It's time you knew the truth. You're not my real son. You're a novelization.'

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

Who's Dead

'Neat photo Lucy, I'll put it up in my room... Do you have any drawing pins?'

Aladdin's Cave of Wonder

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

Catherine the Great with her daughter Nora Soso

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

'I've been knocking for ages!'

"We met through a contact tracing app."

"Back in my day there weren't any delivery trucks, distribution centers and fancy computers! We just hopped door-to-door until our feet bled!"

'Oh my, it's my sister's address! I'm delivering my own nephew!'

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

'My teacher has a good memory. She remembers what a rotten kid you were.'

' You shouldn't believe everything you read in the fairy stories.'

"As I call each of your names, please answer by saying 'Present'"

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"

"I know about the tooth fairy, but I feel a bit young to be selling off my body parts!"

A frog catches an insect truck.

I've heard that you've beaten the Hare, so I've come to challenge you...

"That's your uncle Colin. He's the black sheep of the family."

"The dish and the spoon? Huh. I did not see that coming."

'Hey mom, look! One of Dad's old report cards! Boy, has he got a lot of explaining to do!'

"She was this tall with curly blonde hair Officer: She ate our porridge and broke our furniture..."

Polygamist