School Report Humorist Gifts

'You could give it to your mom with a huge Valentine card.'

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

'Will Mr. 'No Comment' please remain after class.'

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'