Report Card Humorist Gifts

"Don't you worry about me. I'll be fine, as long as you keep working."

'The good news is that with a report card like that you won't be sending me to college.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

Honest Vending

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

German School

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

"What are you doing?"

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

The Evolution Of Man

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

"I learned about the despotism at the same time you did."

'It's heartbreaking to see Reynolds in trouble for fraud again, but I always look forward to his rooftop chases.'

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"