Report Card Comedy Gifts

"So what is the consulting that you got an 'A' for?"

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

"By the way, the failing grades you'll be seeing-they won't be virtual."

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

School. Report Card. You couldn't name the presidents and flunked history? Yeah -- It's not what you know, it's who you know.

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

"In economics, I got an IOU."

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

"Remember, history was easier back in your day. There's so much more of it now."

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"How would I explain the 'D' in debate class? Probably not very well."

"You told me not to bring home another bad report card so I brought home Billy's."

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

'How could you flunk multiplication?'

'Columbus might not have sailed over the edge, but I did.'

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

"But it did take hard work to get my A, B, C and D in that order down the card."

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."