Report Card Commentator Gifts

"Don't shoot the messenger."

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"DeepSeek" "Stargate"

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

"By the way, the failing grades you'll be seeing-they won't be virtual."

School. Report Card. You couldn't name the presidents and flunked history? Yeah -- It's not what you know, it's who you know.

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

"In economics, I got an IOU."

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

"Remember, history was easier back in your day. There's so much more of it now."

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

"How would I explain the 'D' in debate class? Probably not very well."

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"You told me not to bring home another bad report card so I brought home Billy's."

'Columbus might not have sailed over the edge, but I did.'

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

'How could you flunk multiplication?'

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"But it did take hard work to get my A, B, C and D in that order down the card."

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'