Red Card Commentator Gifts

Modern Football

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

'This firm is committed to diversity -- I have yes-men, si-men, ja-men, oui-men, da-men, hai-men....'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

Pundits

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

'Failure is not an option. But inaction due to foot-dragging and red tape is a definite possibility.'

'And now, an NBS News Special Investigative Report: Why doesn't President Obama get the respect and support he deserves?'

"Tonight's big story... we're leaving you... it's not you, it's us..."

"...No, he can't really fly...no, the bad guys really don't have a ray gun...no, this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant..."

'That's the end of the news - (B****RD MEN!!)'

"He wasn't quite dark enough to name 'midnight' so I named him ten o'clock."

'...I'm the only one here who's outrageously high opinion of themselves is actually justified.'

Presidential Pardons of the Rich and Famous.

"Coming up on political gymnastics, the next candidate will try a triple reverse flip flop..."

Father and son watching a TV sitcom

Football - How's my Diving?

Crime and punishment - football.

'Once again, you were right only fifty percent of the time. Have you considered a career as a TV weatherman?'

Today, Human Rights Watch sued a man named Santa Claus for discrimination against his employees by calling them 'dwarfs'.

"We're looking for a tough, aggressive guard dog. Have you been neutered? No, wait ??" I'm not allowed to ask that."

'In a gesture of bipartisanship, the grand bargain was put on the table along with an assortment of cookies, fruit, canapes, pigs in blankets, and other horderves.'

politically correct czar: 'Popular...Elitist'

'He's one of the strictest referees in the competition...'

"You're my top enforcer, Donahue, but I have to let you go. The word on the street is cultural appropriation."

'He's tiring? What happened to round four 'he's ready to go!'?'

"Watching people argue about the world situation night after night makes me feel like I'm doing something about it."