Seasoning Humorist Gifts

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Gee, thanks pal."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"The Eggsorcist"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Honest Vending

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"No, Doris, not implants!"

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet