Media-savvy Humorist Gifts

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"I'd like to TikTok your offer and get comments before saying yes or no."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"I haven't the slightest idea who he is. He came bundled with the software."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

'There's no delete key. You have to use the board eraser.'

German School

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

I've always been slower than computers...

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"What are you doing?"

The Evolution Of Man

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

'No Jenkins! I said we need to start using the Cloud! The C-L-O-U-D!'

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.