Showbiz Humorist Gifts

"Sorry kiddo, I might be a "Magical Creature", but I don't know any magic trick..."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

German School

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

The Evolution Of Man

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

"I learned about the despotism at the same time you did."

'It's heartbreaking to see Reynolds in trouble for fraud again, but I always look forward to his rooftop chases.'

"International travel accessories, 2025 Passport covers Hey, isn’t Canada a lovely country? Even if I'm from the US Luggage tags Dear World, We are very sorry about how the U.S. is acting lately. Phrasebook I did not vote for him. Yo no voté por él. The tariffs are really stupid. Los aranceles son realmente estúpidas. We don’t really want to invade your country. Realmente no queremos invadir su país."

Recycling bin for 'short term business plans'

'Let your people go? - after all the trouble I went to getting them full employment?'