Tv Humorist Gifts

"Is that how yo do the Vulcan nerve grip?" "No, it's rheumatoid athritis."

"The following program is brought to you by the women's movement."

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

'Another clip show.'

Woman watching television: 'Now they've gone too far - animated reality programming?'

"The viewers seem to be sated with stupid shows, senseless movies and embarrassing celebs. That's why our black screen has got the best viewing figures!"

At last, a reality show that actually has some basis in reality!

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

'Run, run, as fast as you can!'

Barbeque Casualty.

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"Now there's something you don't see everyday. How long have you been using dachshunds as sled dogs.?"

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Snowman ice fishing.

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

German School

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."