Celebrity Humorist Gifts

Now you can buy shares online. "Buy Cher's What?"

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

Dirty Harry

Michael Jackson - Mission fulfilled.

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art though, Romeo? Seriously, wherefore art thou? Shakespeare in the Dark.

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

Brad Pitt.

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

Champagne at the hunt

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

Jennifer Lawrence

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

'They're pinching my toes!'

"The house is great, but compared to reality show realtors, you're a big disappointment."

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

Hollywood in tiny glimpses

Ben Stiller

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

"Hey, I'm a big fan of your work. I loved you in Godzilla!"

"You're not just a number here. You're a number who hasn't been fired yet."

After talking one stranger to death, Velma starts in on the next.

Bob tries to cash in on Hollywood's success.

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

'Thank God I don't live in a Jimmy Choo!'

George Clooney.

I say when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade

'Really, this award has come as a great surprise...'

Now playing: 'The passion of big box office profits'.

"I'm not sure if that's William Shatner or Deadpool without his mask."

J. J. Abrams

"The viewers seem to be sated with stupid shows, senseless movies and embarrassing celebs. That's why our black screen has got the best viewing figures!"

'I don't know where he's getting it from, but it happens every time I ask him to fetch my slippers.'

Olivia Wilde